2012 had been another exciting year. I struck off many more places off my bucket list and each destination could only prove more amazing than the previous. I can only be glad that I remain the ‘un-jaded’ traveller and I still take great joy in every little thing I see. Not exactly the most conscientious blogger here but I like to blame it on the number of trips I did last year. Catching up with myself had never been so tough. And I always say, I need to work too. 😉
2013 began in a most depressing manner for me and I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong. I did a little self reflection, a little note I shared on facebook with my friends :
‘Today I took time off to think through my past 35 years of existence. Could it be a sign of early mid life crisis? That I do not know. I had complicated my life when all I had wanted was the simplest one i could think of. Simple joys through some of the most mundane stuff. There was a time when I had it all and I gave it up and I guess in life there is simply no turning back. I have made my fair share of mistakes and i sincerely seek forgiveness for all my wrongdoings. I have learnt to face up to my mistakes and the hardest person to forgive to date is myself. I know not how to move on but yet, I know I have to. I am a simple person and I will continue to seek my fairy tale world where deceit and lies do not exist and where trust, love and faithfulness matters over all others. I wish for the Lord to bring me home for I am really tired and exhausted. But til then I will continue to give thanks for all the joys and even pains He had given me. Give me strength to face all adversities ahead and grant me time to enjoy this amazing world you have created. I will continue to paint as colorful a 2013 as I did 2012.’
I buried myself in work, broke the only routine I knew and moved on, constantly reminding myself never to look back. It still hurts like crazy, uncontrollable tears still catch me unaware and many times, I wish I never knew the truth. I was once taught to love, to love someone else, something else more than myself and understand the joys and pains when you give all you have. Then I was taught another lesson today. To live the life I want and desire and always believe that it is never just a dream and it can happen if I want to make them come true. I guess somewhere out there, someone watching from above just know how stubborn He has made me and how much it takes to drill in a message. Yes, I get it now but I know it is not an ending and more will come.
I will continue to work hard and I will continue to pursue my dreams, to dive, to rock climb, to trek, to paraglide, to wakeboard and many more, all in different parts of the world. The only difference is, my postcards will now come back to me.
For my countless missing blogs in 2012, I will try my best to do a photo collage. After all, this is a memory that I would very much like to keep for myself and to remember the people who were once there for me.